"It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog." - Mark Twain In February 2009, just before my 35th birthday would’ve made me ineligible, I faced off in a public boxing ring with a woman 20 years my junior and at least 15 pounds heavier. … Continue reading Fighting For My Body: In the Ring with C-PTSD
The rehab tech, who saved my life in 2011, walked into a women’s only meeting one day and loudly, and abruptly, asked how many of us had been raped. Of the ten women in the room, eight raised their hands. In my opinion, that’s closer than the reported statistics, based on the hundreds of women … Continue reading How to Not Get Raped at a Party
“I wouldn’t use this door because it’s dark and someone could easily attack you.” My long lost cousin’s wife is showing me the private entrance to the furnished basement apartment in their mansion I’m moving into. She suggested I move in the day we met (I can be so charming), after her husband randomly discovered … Continue reading A Different Kind of Fear
Being at my bottom, broken and vulnerable, changed me. I felt completely lost and alone. But something new happened. I needed people. And when I saw how closed everyone around me around me was, my heart rebelled. It opened. When I was alone in my twenties, I felt free with every possibility before me. At … Continue reading Love
It’s October 2016. Or maybe January 2017. Either way, I’m lying in bed having just opened my eyes and find myself, again, slightly surprised to be alive. When did I finally fall asleep last night? Thank God I finally fell asleep last night. But here I am again. Another day. How do I do this? … Continue reading Am I Still Here?
This is what it looks like. Sometimes it's a grassy plateau that drops off, or a cliff of jagged rocks, but the blurry end is never more than a few feet a way. When you feel like you just don't matter, like a burden, or just not ... needed by anyone, not important to anyone … Continue reading The ‘Fuck It” Phase