What I Don’t Remember: Second Journal Entry, Age 8

 

Diary 2I was surprised to read that my dad hit me. I have earlier memories of being spanked (which is really just a more acceptable term that we relate to parenting) for minor offenses. I remember that part most of all, more than the pain or shock of being hit, that the punishment didn’t seem to fit the crime. But hit me … How? Where? Why? The word suggests more than a spanking. I began disassociating at a very young age and I know I’ve blocked a lot out. I could open the pantry to get peanut butter, not be able to find it, and need to have someone else point out that it was right in front of my face. I began experiencing that again when severe PTSD symptoms hit me in my late 30s: short-term memory loss and confusion. I know there are many things my brain doesn’t remember or mis-remembers. My second diary entry, about an event I have no memory of, proves this.

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